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Never the Twain is a British sitcom that ran for eleven series from 7 September 1981 to 9 October 1991. It was created by Johnnie Mortimer, and was the only sitcom he ever created without his usual writing partner, Brian Cooke. Mortimer wrote the entirety of the first two series and four episodes out of six of the eighth, with the rest being mainly written by Vince Powell and John Kane. It starred Windsor Davies and Donald Sinden as rival antique dealers, and also starred Derek Deadman, Zara Nutley, Robin Kermode, Tacy Kneale, Julia Watson, Honor Blackman, Teddy Turner and Maria Charles. The title is taken from the Rudyard Kipling poem; The Ballad of East and West.
Johnnie Mortimer
ITV1
67
30 min
The feuding fathers find out about the relationship between their son and daughter and consider taking steps to prevent a marriage.
Sep 7, 1981
Veronica appears on the scene - causing Simon and Oliver to compete for more than antiquities.
Sep 14, 1981
Veronica wants to go to the opera in Edinburgh. Simon and Oliver each compete to be her date. Simon has to find a replacement au pair.
Sep 21, 1981
Oliver's antiques shop is burgled. A pair of pistols is reported missing, but when these mysteriously turn up in Simon's shop Oliver turns this misfortune into an opportunity to make money from an insurance claim. Simon is arrested when a police officer spots the pistols in his shop window. To encourage Oliver to assist him in getting the charges dropped he agrees to help Oliver get membership at his golf club.
Sep 28, 1981
Oliver beats Simon to a painting they both want. But is it a Constable or not? David confesses propositioning another woman, jeopardising their engagement.
Oct 5, 1981
Simon holds a dinner for Oliver, Lyn and David, his ulterior motive being to expose Oliver's lack of etiquette. Lyn prepares for her move into Simon and David's home. David and Lyn's wedding day arrives.
Oct 19, 1981
Simon Peel
Oliver Smallbridge
Aunt Eleanor
Banks
Ringo
